raramomtoo3

Well by popular demand I have been asked to blog about the family vacation that my family and I took last week.  So blame THAT person for this torture. 

Last week the family took a trip up north to Missouri, Illinois and Indiana.  My husband and I took our three children and both of our mothers along for this trip.  We left Easter night at Midnight and headed out so we would get there early Monday morning.  No matter what time we “plan” to leave we never do.  The Mother Nature decided to be a bitch that night.  It was raining so hard I thought we were going to have to start gathering two of each animal.  To add to that chaos even after “pre-loading” the van we had crap packed into every nook and cranny.  We looked as if we were clowns and all the clowns luggage packed into a Beetle Bug.  The wind started blowing so hard we felt like God’s kite.  We crossed over into Tennessee and the wind died down and the rest of the trip up to St. Louis was nice.  We checked into the motel and headed out to visit St. Louis.  The first stop was The Arch.  Now this you will find funny because it wasn’t funny to my husband.  As we approached the Arch a gentleman asked to search our bags.  After he searched our bags I jokingly asked him to search my husband.  My husband was WAY behind the group.  His mom who has a bad back and can hardly walk and me with a BROKE foot had to wait for him.  He is going through a camera geek and taking pictures.  So as we actually entered the Arch we stepped into the new generation of security to be able to enter a monument.  We had to put everything on us into a box and the belt took it through the x-ray machine.  We then had to walk through the metal detector.  So here comes my husband.  He empties his pockets.  For those who don’t know my husband you have to picture this.  My husband wears cargo shorts BECAUSE he carries everything INCLUDING the kitchen sink in his pockets.  EVERY pocket is FULL.  He has everything from a change purse, flashlights, batteries, camera crap, wallet…you see where I am going with this.  So he has to empties his pockets COMPLETELY.  He walks through and still sets it off.  I kid you not just empting his pockets took ten minutes.  Like 30 people went around him.  Then he STILL sets it off.  He then has to take off his shoes and belt and after another 10 minutes he gets the ok to enter the Arch and of course takes another 10 minutes to put it all back on and in his pockets.  We found this to be amusing however he didn’t.  So we borrowed wheelchairs for me and his mom.  My dear mother pushed my big butt all over that museum.  Then my husband, my son and my mother all went up into the Arch.  I had NO desire to go to the top of that damn thing.  However I am proud of my mother and son for having the balls to go up…..by the time that was done and over with we headed to look for a White Castle….if you have seen Harold and Kumar go the White Castle….trust me we had our own movie….but I will leave that for another blog and for another day…..

Two years ago we lost you Justin.  Lost isn’t really the word….we know where you are.  However our lives changed forever two years ago.  We never thought that you wouldn’t be with us.  NEVER  Still God called you home.  In my mind and soul I know it was for a good reason that only He knows but my heart keeps screaming and wanting answers that no one else can give me but you and Him.  I have good days where I can go and not cry and then there are days where you never leave my mind.  I sneak in tears when I hope no one is looking.  I try to “cowgirl up” and be tough and strong but I am not either of those things.  I am a broken hearted sister who will never have a niece to spoil or the chance to watch you walk down the asile to the love of your life.  Instead I had to let you go before you even really got to be hear.  I am rambling now and I am sorry. 
 
We will release balloons tomorrow in honor of your second angel day.
For all the others who are here to wish us well wishes trust me we feel them and appericaite them more than you will ever know.
I ask that today you tell ANYONE who will listen about The Choking Game.  Tell them the dangers and about Justin.  If we save one life today then Justin didn’t die in vain.  Below is the newest poem I have written for Justin.
 

Time keeps moving on

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Two years has passed we last looked into your eyes,

It has been two years since you became our angel who can fly.

Some days it feels that two years have passed in a blink,

Then some days it moves so much slower than your heart would think.

For two years our grief has taken over our hearts,

We try to heal but we have no idea where to start.

Two years ago we were living our everyday life,

Just thinking once and never thinking twice.

We made our plans for the next day, next week, and the next year,

Never did we think that you wouldn’t be here.

Now we live our lives minute by minute and day by day,

Now we live in fear who might be the next angel that God will take away.

Will there ever be a day we won’t think of you and cry?

Will we be able to answer other peoples questions and not lie?

Will we ever be as strong as we pretend to be?

Will we ever be as strong that others think we should be?

If tears from our eyes would have kept you here,

We would have cried a river for you my brother dear.

However keeping you here would have been selfish and wrong,

Because you are with God and that is where you belong.
 

Again another story of Justin is one of my favorites.  Again this takes place right after me and my husband was married.  We took Justin to an all you can eat pizza place.  Justin was 7 I guess so I told him to wait for me to sit down our drinks and I would be back to help him get his food.  I returned to the salad bar just in time to see Justin eating peaches with the SERVING spoon off the bar.  I have no idea how many he had eaten before I caught him.  I rushed up and took the spoon from him and looked around to see if anyone had seen him.  I put the spoon back into the peaches and rushed him through the bar and set him down.  I can’t see peaches on the salad bar and not chuckle.

Today I want to talk about some warning signs you need to look for if you think your child or friend are playing The Choking Game:

Any suspicious marks on the side of their neck, sometimes they hide them with shirts, scarf’s, collars.

Changes in your loved ones personality such as aggressive or ill or short tempered.

Any kind of object that they might use to wrap around their neck lying around them and no reason

Headaches

Flushed face

Bloodshot eyes

They might ask about suffocation or strangulation

Today I wanted to share with you the story of when Justin visited us when we lived in Las Vegas.  When Justin was about 10 he flew by himself to Las Vegas.  One night as we were showing him the sights in Vegas I looked back to see if he was having a good time.  When I looked back I saw his hands were full of blood.  At first I was afraid he was injured but realized he had a nose bleed.  Justin suffered from nose bleeds anyway but the air is so dry in Las Vegas it causes the problem to be worse.  I panicked my dear readers.  I thought that the child couldn’t have any more blood in his tiny body because it was all coming out of his nose.  When I say I panicked…I mean I PANICKED.  We pulled into a parking lot of a small casino and went to ask for help from their medical staff but they wouldn’t allow us to bring him in because of his age but they told us a fire station was right next door.  I ran next door pounding on the side door till they came out.  They checked Justin out and told us he was ok.  I finally was able to breathe again…barely….Justin has been the source of many grey hairs on my head……

Today I wanted to talk about items that are often used to play The Choking Game.  Of course when friends are together they sometimes use their hands to choke the other person.  However sometimes they use objects when they are with friends and the scariest is when they use these objects to play while they are alone.  Items that have been reportedly used are:  leashes, belts, clothing, rope, shoe strings, ties, extension cords (this is the item Justin used) and many more items.

Also when you see these types of items hanging from other objects such as: bed posts, bunk beds, door knobs, closet rods, ceiling fans and anything that is stationary.  My mother had noticed that Justin had a t-shirt hanging from a water pipe that went through his room for a couple of weeks.  She asked him repeatedly WHY the shirt there was and he would shrug it off or say it was nothing.  We believe he was using it for TCG.  Justin died when he tied an orange electrical cord tied from the same water pipe as he sat on the floor.  If you notice this happening please don’t take NOTHING for an answer….

I hope you are enjoying my stories of Justin’s life.  Today I wanted to share was the time he got caught with a dirty picture at the middle school.  Of course you give me a middle school boy who DOESN’T want to look at dirty pictures and I will show you one that is LYING.  So the was the story I think that sets off the series of unfortunate events of Justin’s school years.  He had taken a picture of a naked chick and of course the principal found out and of course they called our mom.  He got a nice vacation from school and knowing him looked for more picturesJ

Today I wanted to share some other names for The Choking Game: Space Monkey, Pass Out, The pass out game, Fainting game, black out, and so many more…..I don’t care what you call it just please stop our loved ones from doing it at all costs.

As my brother’s Angel Day gets closer I am sharing a story about him and some facts concerning the choking game.  I hope you enjoy the stories and PLEASE tell someone about the choking game in memory of Justin.

I am going to try some different stories but I can’t remember which ones I have shared so I hope you forgive me or just laugh along this time too.  Once right after my husband and I got married Justin who was at the time seven spent the night with us.  He woke the next morning early however my husband and I were still sleeping since it was a Saturday.  I heard someone looking in the fridge so I assumed Justin was looking for something to eat.  We had milk, cheese, leftovers and tons of other food and I thought he was getting some of that to eat.  After the rustling kept on I got up to see what Justin was doing and I walk into the kitchen and he was sitting on the floor in front of the fridge eating these little pats of butter we got from the restaurant the night before.  I bet there were at least 20 individual pats of butter and he had ate nearly all of them.  I couldn’t believe that child had eaten all that and didn’t get sick.  I asked him why he was eating it and all he could say was it tasted good to him.

Today I wanted to share that babies and I do mean babies are dying from The Choking Game.  There have been reports of six year olds who have passed away from TCG.  On the other end we have had people as old as 54 years old.  The average age is 10 to 14 years of age.  So do you know people within that age range?  Please spread the word of the dangers and risks not just to teens but younger children and even adults. 

Hello dear readers I am sure you wanted another depressing blog from me yesterday but I just couldn’t do it.  Witnessing the pain that I was feeling on my loved ones faces was more than I could take.  There were also things that took place but out of respect to my loved ones I won’t share them on this blog for they were private items and they will stay private at least on this blog.  Again I wanted to be the superhero that could save the day but I was again the wimp that had to walk away when the casket lowered.  For every moment I witnessed my own fear, pain, hurt and broken down will came crushing back.  From the last flowers and the balloon release that contained eighteen balloons because on March 1^st Ricky turned eighteen.  As his family said as they released the balloons he is forever 18.  One more thing I learned was that Ricky had just signed up for the US Army.  Everything was done except him signing the papers which was to be done this Monday.  One day after his passing away.  To know that Ricky was brave enough and was going to risk his life for our country makes me so proud to call him family.  I have taken comfort that Justin now has someone his age and that we have another angel looking over us.  I wish that my loved ones have to suffer for that to happen.  I also want to be sure to mention my other cousin involved in the accident.  My fifteen year old cousin was also in the accident that took Ricky’s life.  If it had not been for Brandon there would have been three other deaths.  He managed to unbuckle his seatbelt and get out of the car and swim to shore and climbed up the bank and waved down help for his brother and friends.  Brandon received several injuries to his arm.  Brandon saved not just himself but the two other friends.  Brandon has been in and out of surgery a few times with more to come in the next few days.  I ask that you continue to pray for him as well as his family.  Please pray for not just for him but the entire family as the days, weeks, months ahead will be consumed with grief and loss.  I know this pain and hate that ANYONE should feel that kind of pain.  Rest in Peace my dear loved one and you are truly amongst the best angels…..

Dear readers oh how I wish I could type out this blog and share my strange “wit” or “sense of humor” but I can’t tonight.  I know our loved ones are reading this and this is kind of an update.  I knew going in to the funeral home the pain would come crashing back and it did.  I wish I could say I had “cowgirl UP” and was brave but I wasn’t.  When saw my aunt and uncle standing at the casket and they would shake hands and give hugs but you knew they didn’t see anyone’s face.  I saw myself and my mother and my dad and stepmom…..we were the ones who looked at people without recognizing faces because the truth is you don’t really give a damn who is there….at that point you go through so many emotions in such a short span…you are honored that they loved you and your loved one and are grateful but then you get angry with God and everybody because HE took your loved one, then denial…the hope that it is some sick horrible dream you are stuck in and you pray someone would pinch, shake or hell even slap the piss out of you whatever it would take to wake you up but it never comes.  Then you are angry that you lost a CHILD for the love of God….just a CHILD…..and too see another CHILD lay there with their young life OVER.  Just as Justin….he won’t see his wife walk down the aisle, or have a baby so their aunt could spoil them…….but in a twisted take on it…at least they won’t have to stand over THEIR loved ones.  They get to escape that pain and for that I am grateful.  I wish I had those magic words I could have said and all their pain would wash away but I am not that good a writer.  So I offered those same words that everyone else used because in the end that is all you can say.  “I am sorry for your lose and please call me anytime.”  That is all you can offer really.  So tomorrow once again I will attend the funeral and see myself in their spots and will cry so many tears.  No tears for Ricky because he is a better place but my tears will be for them and as bad as it sounds…for me and my family because again we are watching a child being called home before he should…..so my love to all and please hug those babies a little bit longer and a little bit harder…….

As I type this blog my soul is crying for help.  My father called and told me that my Uncle Ricky and family had been in a serious car accident in which their son Little Ricky has died and the others were airlifted to unknown at this time hospitals.  So if you are reading this please pray for them and their families.  I pray that we don’t lose another loved one today.  This brings up all the pain and shock of losing my brother….I believe Little Ricky is 15.  15………he too has died before he even got to live…..I know God has a plan but at these moments I want to scream WHYYYYYYYY?????I will update as I get new information….

Well hey there my dear readers.  I hope this blog finds you well.  I am still here dear readers but life is getting to hard to live much less share that sadness with others.  So I am going to try and be upbeat and funny but I really want to put my fist through a wall or some ones face.  This week was a crazy and a go go go type of week.  My oldest daughter had her drama club night last night.  The drama class has been working on this play for months and it was wonderful.  My heart was full of pride, awe and love to see my baby girl on stage in a spotlight.  She was wonderful even though her “costume” was sadly what she wears everyday anyway.  She played a “goth” girl doing an audition for Anne of Green Gables.  She looked wonderful on stage.  Then during the “big” play as I was taking pictures of the actors in a “park” and who do my eyes see….my daughter grabbing another girl’s purse and runny like hell….this was WONDERFUL and to be honest she looked too comfortable doing a purse snatch.  Also during the play they needed volunteers from the audience and my mother and son was brought “into” the play so they were also “stars” last night.  I love drama and I hope that all my kids will stick to drama.  Heck they can make more money being an actor or actress than being a doctor.  My son had his first scholiast (ok this isn’t the right word but this is as close as spell check could get it but it is where they check your spine) and he was stressed.  As you most likely know you must take off your shirt and bend over so they can see if you have any deformity in your spine.  I can’t blame him but I told him at least he is a fat girl who has to take her top in front on the other anorexic twits.  However I am glad to report that he survived his experience and it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.  My youngest child was disappointed this week.  They were due to go on a field trip to Sci-Quest in Huntsville on Friday.  However due to “severe” weather they cancelled it and guess what???? Yep didn’t even rain so they were ticked off but they are supposed to go back this Friday so here is hoping.  Well that is all I want to share right now but my love too you all and hope to share more insane events to come…..