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Boooooooo!!!!!  Did I scare you?  Well Happy Halloween dear readers.  Today is the day I can be myself and no one thinks bad of me being a witch.  So I went to work and flipped the waffles with strange and odd looks.  I had ONE person ONE person who knew what I was.  Now here is where I start ranting.  I purchased BRIGHT BLUE hair dye for my costume and when I sprayed it on it turned a dark purple.  What in the heck is up with that?  So now I have purple hair instead of blue.  Of course this takes my costume even more out of the picture.  So I am running to hell….oops I mean Wal-mart to try and find another way of getting my hair blue.  So what is your costume?  Oh come one you aren’t too old to dress up for Halloween.  If this 31 year old, fat, mom of three…4 if you count my husband is dressed up and you should be too.  So I got out of getting the Hannah Montana wig in order.  My children have worn that wig like it was the town bicycle.  They have brushed it, braided it, slicked it, and pulled handfuls out of it so what we had left was a freaky balding blonde giant wig.  The wig is bigger than she is.  If she makes it home with it still intact from school we will have seen a miracle take place.  Of course I am waiting on my oldest daughter’s school to call home and say “Come Get Your Child”.  She is going as a gothic something or other….so last night she put her tattoos on and she had one on her face.  They are picky about these things.  They can’t have “colored” hair.  It has to be found in the normal hair person range.  However it is now 11:00 and no one has called crying and called and demanded that we come get her from their school and rap us on the knuckles with a ruler.  I wonder if they still do that in some schools???  So I decided that I have to punish you guys early today.  I knew that after I picked up my children all Halloween Hell would break loose.  My oldest has to get her fake piercings on and I will have to comb out Hannah and patch up my pirate for his plundering.  So I will let you off the hook and give you a break since I am sure you are getting your treats together as I am getting my tricks out……Happy Halloween…..

Well here we are dear readers….Tomorrow is the BIG day….Candy for all….and getting to “check” the candy for the little ones.  Of course we adults don’t mind “checking” the candy.  Seems that every Reese’s Cups, Hershey’s, Snickers and M&M are “suspicious” and “unsafe” for the little ones and of course we can’t leave it lying around the house and we must “dispose” of it.  However, after some thought I have decided that children started the rumor of razor blades in the apples story.  Just think about it.  Since this story got started people stopped handing out apples and returned to candy.  This was one smart kid I am telling you.  This sounds like something my children would come up with.  So anyway I am not sure if I have complained or not but we had another “volunteer” at school or we make you feel guilty.  I am a firm believer that if your kids school as an event that needs “volunteers” then you should do your part.  However, most people don’t believe this concept.  I cannot in good conscience refuse to do our part for the school.  Yep I am a goody two-shoes.  I am a regular girl scout.  However I have decided that “volunteering” is God’s way of punishing you for having kids.   This thought came after 30 minutes of standing guard at the Go-Fishing game.  First off if a little kid came up and didn’t have tickets I would let the go.  I am not God of the Go-fishing game and couldn’t turn a five year old away.  Also, it isn’t just punishment for watching the booth oh no you have to explain to your six year old that we are to poor for her to play the games and ride the rides.  I hate being poor and it is so unfair to my children that we are so poor that they can’t even play games are a fall festival.  So as I type this blog I am listening to my kids fight over the fact there is not soda left and feeling bad for the kids because we are poor and they get the business end of the sticks. Oh well life goes on right….So I will let you go….I am sure you have last minute costumes repairs, mad dash for the last Halloween candy at Wal-Mart, or ways to sneak liquor into the Halloween party punch….oh wait that is what I am doing…

Well dear and loyal readers I have some bad news…Yep I am back and whining more than ever.  I wanted to say that our turn out for The Choking Game awareness was wonderful and I now have a mission of my own.  I am hoping to start covering the Alabama and put a stop to this madness.  Just today one of my dear readers forwarded some of my choking game to a mutual friend just to find that he had lost his best friend to this activity.  Every time I hear of another life lost I want to just cry and scream.  However we can and we WILL beat this “game” and stopping it is the only way to win.  So please feel free to log onto my new www.MySpace.com/inmemoryofjustindooley.    If you or someone you know is playing please pass on the information to them.  Also if you would like for my family to come and tell our story and discuss this please contact me through the MySpace page.

So on to lighter and funnier thoughts of the day.  We are going to a Halloween party after we take the kids Trick or Treating this Friday.  It is a costume party and I am very excited.  Just to recap me and my husband are going as Thing One and Thing 2(from The Cat in the Hat).  Anyway I have complained about costumes for29 days now.  So we have this plan of everyone getting together on the dance floor and performing the Thriller dance from Michael Jackson’s Thriller.  So off to YouTube I went.  Yesterday I started looking for videos to show the dance moves.  What I did find was a butt load of videos.   We found everything from a 3 year old little girl, to wedding parties and a whole prison skit with hundreds of convicts dancing together.  So we got some ideas and this afternoon me and my children were in the living room trying to learn the dance.  Now keep in mind I am a bit on the fluffy side ok let me change that I am A LOT on the fluffy side.  So imagine a fat chick and two small kids trying to learn Thriller.  I am all most sure if we had a video camera on we would have won The Funniest Home Video.  Also keep in mind I was trying to do this while at work and gentleman walks up behind me and just watches me like I was insane.  Ok you win…I am insane….So we have one more day to work on it and get it down.  It will be a lot of fun and the best thing is after the party I can come home and sleep it off….because I will be a free women for 11 days….So I hope you enjoyed the stories about my brother and welcome back to reality.

Well dear readers it is now Tuesday and just 4 days till my parole….man I keep doing that….vacation.  In case this is your first blog of mine.  I am working with some dear friends and we are trying to raise awareness of The Choking Game which claimed my 19 year old brother’s life.  Please Google search GASP for more information on this activity.  So I have typed my blogs early and have been sharing my favorite stories of my brother.

Like I have mentioned my brother wasn’t always an angel and his Halo is a bit tarnished.  When he was 17 my dear brother Justin decided that he was going to steal my mother’s car and run away to Texas.  So one night he snuck out and headed out.  Now keep in mind his reasoning was he met a girl on the internet.  So for several days we had no idea where he was or what he was doing.  My mom filed a charge and the car was placed on stolen vehicle list in hopes of turning up my brother.  After 5 days he calls and we have to head to Katy, Texas to pick him and her car up.  Now keep in mind I am several years older than he was and he was like one of my kids.  So after us driving straight through to Texas he had the pleasure of riding with me all the way back to Alabama.  I didn’t shut up for a minute.  I gave him all kind of crap.  Well my mother was behind us in her car that was APB for being stolen.  In Louisiana we were pulled over by a state trooper because of my NASCAR license holder was blocking my year on the tag (on a side note I assume the trooper was a Jeff Gordon fan and didn’t like my Dale Earnhardt Jr.  Tag).  My brother did not breathe the whole time we were pulled over because he just KNEW he was going to jail if the trooper asked him for ID.  The look of relief on his face was priceless but I must admit I took a bit of pleasure from his worrying.  Also we all thought it was funny that a STOLEN car was right in front of this State Trooper and he passed it by to pull us over for our tag.  Go figure…at the time this was funny but now we laugh about it….like I said his halo is a bit tarnished and crooked…

Well dear and loyal readers here we are….Sunday already? As you might have read during Saturday’s blog I will be cheating on you.  I have a few friends in town and we are trying to raise awareness of an activity called “The Choking Game”.  Please read yesterday’s post or Google search GASP and it will pull up the website.  As a memorial to my brother I am going to share some stories of him.  Don’t get to comfortable I will be back soon with guns blazing and full of rants till then my best wishes to you dear readers.

On Thanksgiving 2006 we had dinner here at our house.  After a huge meal my dear brother felt the need to go home and well let’s say “do his business” and out of courtesy he wanted to do it at home.  Well we hadn’t had dessert yet so I packed him a pie plate of different pies but one of his favorite is my Cool Whip Pie.  He would beg for me to fix this pie at every family event and most of the time I would.  So my mother and he head home.  Now this is going to be hard for some of you to get but for the last 3-4 years we have had this man walking around our county.  He is dressed as Jesus and he looks like Jesus and doesn’t even wear shoes.  All he owns is his robe and his bible.  After he was interviewed in the local paper he swears he ISN’T trying to look like Jesus but he does anyway.  We have always called him “The Jesus Guy”.  Well on their way home they saw him walking so my mother decided to pull over and offer him a ride to his next stop.  My mother decided to offer him a piece of pie as he got out of the car and instead of taking one piece of pie he took the whole plate.  Around twenty minutes later my mother calls me and in the back ground I hear my brother yelling “Jesus took my pie…Jesus took my pie”.  I will never forget his voice carrying on like that.  Needless to say I had to save him more pie.  The creepy thing is on the night my brother died….we passed this “Jesus Guy” I know it had to be midnight but there he stood on the side of the road.  I can never see him and not think of my brother and his pie……..Well dear readers that is the story of My brother and his missing Pie……I will talk again with you tomorrow of another installment of The Crazy Things My Brother Did……

Well hello dear readers…Happy Saturday to you….I hope you lucky ones enjoyed sleeping in today.  I on the other hand was at working fixing breakfast for weary travels.  The waffles were a hard push today but hey the fewer I have to cook the better.  I wanted to give you some back ground on myself and my family.  I know some of you know me personally and some don’t.  On April 10^th 2007 I received a phone call that changed life as I knew it forever.  The local police department called and asked for me to come to my mother and brother’s apartment building.  My brother had hung himself.  For the first few hours we thought he had killed himself but his friends came forward and told us he had been playing something called “The Choking Game”.  Since then my mother and I have made it our mission to spread awareness of this activity and do our best to save other families from this pain.  I know I usually make jokes and have fun but sometimes life isn’t funny.  I buried my nineteen year old brother and the pain is sometimes too real to even smile much less joke.  Tomorrow I have two dear friends travelling through and staying with us and together we are going to do a big media blitz and raise as much awareness as possible.  So for the next few days I will be wrapped up.  What I am going to do is cheat on you.  I am going to type up my blogs today and just post them on certain days.  As a tribute I am going to share some of my favorite stories.  Justin wasn’t always a good kid and he did some stupid things that at the time were far from funny but now when we look back they were kind of funny.  So I will share some of those stories daily.  Right now I wanted to share a few facts on The Choking Game and maybe you might know someone who is playing this “game” or if you share these facts with someone you know and then pass it on or pay it forward and maybe just maybe we can save some lives together.  The Choking Game is known by many names such as Space Monkey, Knockout game; Pass out Game and many more.  This game has taken hundreds of lives.  It dates back to 1934 when the first recorded death was reported.  The activity is where you choke the other person to the point of passing out and you get this “rush” that last for about 30 seconds.  It is the same feeling as when you stand up to fast.  This practice of doing it with friends is bad enough.  Even with others you are still losing brain cells every time you do this.  It is when they start playing by themselves is when the children start dying.  They often take something such as dog leashes, belts, wire, and rope or in my brother’s case an extension cord and tie them to a stationary location.  They then wrap the object around their neck and pull till they nearly pass out.  In my brother’s case he passed out completely and since no one was there he basically drifted off to sleep and choke while he was passed out.  Our mother had found him and tried to save him but it was too late.  You hear these stories over and over.  The most frightening thing about this “game” is the average age of the children dying from this is 9-14 years old.  There are some as young as 7 and as old as 55 have also died from this “game”.  I beg of you if you know anyone in this age range or any ranges please pass on this information to them so together we can stop the “game”.  For more information please go to www.stop-the-choking-game.com.  I encourage you to please help to stop this “game”…..

So till Wednesday take a breather from my normal rants and complaints and learn a little about my brother who is now is angel wings and a crooked halo……  In memory of Justin Keith Dooley 7/15/87 thru 4/10/07…we love and miss you….

Well dear readers you will not believe what happened.  You remember my evil “mommy dearest” idea I had about the flu shots yesterday?  This is why I should never plan to be evil.  Turns out the “drive-thru flu clinic” did not provide children with Medicaid shots.  So guess who got the shots?  Yep you guessed it me and my darling husband.  Go figure.  Anyway so I have my “flu” shot for the year.  This is my first flu shot.  I am hoping it doesn’t make me sick.  I have friends coming from out of town for a mission project we are working on.  I will give you an explanation with tomorrow’s rant.  So here I am feeling loopy (ok you got me I am always loopy) and I am sure it is the drama queen personality kicking in.  However I do take enjoyment in the fact that they KNOW their shots are coming in the near future.  Of course with my luck I will have to get another shot just for being evil.  All joking aside I am glad they are able to get the shots.  Seems the flu gets meaner and meaner every year and I want to protect them as much as I can from it.  I give my wee ones a hard time but they are my life and reason for waking every morning.  Now with that being said my twelve year old daughter is circling her “time of the month”.  Now if she knew I was spreading this information she would crawl under a rock but since she thinks moms shouldn’t blog and she doesn’t read mine then I feel she is fair game.  My darling daughter becomes Linda Blair in The Exorcist   If it wasn’t against the law I would tie her to the bed as well.  This child loses her ever loving mind during this time of the month.  So when she started screaming BEFORE she got in trouble I knew it was on.  So for the next week we will be fighting her at every turn.  She is never happy during this time.  I know this is normal but she goes way past normal.  All kidding aside she pushes us past angry.  She doesn’t back down and will stand toe to toe and fight with all her might.  Our home becomes a living hell on earth. Do you have any suggestions?   My reason for sharing this information is if one day you log on and all I type is curse words and threats you know what is happening in Alabama.  Also be aware if on CNN you hear “Breaking News out of Alabama”….yea that will be me

Well dearest readers….you should be happy that I am here to ramble on.  I was INSANE this afternoon.  Yours truly actually took her kids straight from school to Wal-mart.  I have NO idea as to what I was thinking but long and painful story short I am sitting in the corner of my room with my knees up to my chin, rocking back and forth, repeating The Lord’s Prayer.  Let’s recap here…My twelve year old ( yes the brilliant one I was just bragging on) bit my 10 year old.  My 6 year old decided that she wanted to show everyone that she has had “NO RAISING”.  Then as if my embarrassment was great enough with my kids showing their butts from half an aisle down I hear my darling husband use the “F” word.  I wanted to take my shopping cart and push it up his “A” word.  So after great embarrassment I decided I wasn’t brave enough to continue shopping with these heathen’s.  Yes I just said heathen’s it is a southern thing.  If they had done just one more thing I would have lost my ever-loving mind and snapped.  I would have taken them to the sporting goods and tied and gagged them a volley ball net.  Drag them to the country music section and found the most country CD I could find (they hate country music, like water to the wicked witch, they just sit there and scream in pain). I then would set the CD player to repeat and set to the highest volume and leave them there in pain.  So instead of having to go to jail and make bail I decided to just cut my losses and leave.  Of course we had to stop and get gas.  So we pull up behind a new SUV.  All of a sudden the crazy chick just starts backing up.  Of course we have a POS van and the horn doesn’t work.  My darling husband throws our car into reverse to keep her from hitting us.  So she finally gets parked at the pump.  The woman actually gets out of the SUV with a small dog.  Now why this pissed me off I have no clue but it went all over my nerves.  So while holding the dog in one hand she gets a paper towel and tries to pick up the pump handle.  The whole time she is juggling the dog.  At this point I wanted to shove the dog up her “A” word.  She realizes at some point the dog is freezing and puts her back in the car with her little bow on the dog’s head.  Well she decides to sit in the car with the doggie.  LONG after her pump clicked she gets back out of the car with the dog.  First my thought is it wasn’t really a dog it was her brain she carried around and second one is “WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU CARRING THE DOG TO PUMP GAS?”  So she gets another paper towel to grab the pump handle and pulls it out and tries to put it back in it’s stall.  She is fighting with it and it is falling out of her hands but of course she has the dog so it was sort like a circus act or something.  So she finally gets her act together and moves on.  At this point my “shopping rage” was in full bloom.  Had one more thing happened it would be like the scene from “A Christmas Story” when he snaps and beats the crap out of the bully.  On a side note Wal-mart has some very cool “A Christmas Story” decorations.    So here I am whining to you my dear readers.  I know you guys love me and would not say the “F” word in Wal-mart or bite someone? Right?  Oh well for those who know me knows that I don’t give up and I have already my revenge planned.  Tomorrow dear readers will be the “Drive Thru Flu Shot Clinic”.  Oh yes, you see where I am going with this don’t you……Shots for five please…..and with each shot I will just smile and have a sick twisted enjoyment from it…….

Well good evening dear readers.  Here we are again.  I am so excited about tomorrow.  My 6 year old has a field trip to a pumpkin patch.  You have to know me to love me but this 31 year old mom to three kids (4 if you count my husband) loves pumpkins.  I have seen a therapist about this fixation but they have no reasoning for it either.  First off I am a fat woman.  So as a fat woman I suffer through the entire 100 degree every freaking day of the summer.  I keep my complaints to myself not to spread my misery.  So the minute I see pumpkins out for sale I get a new lease of life.  I can’t explain it but I know cooler air is on its way in and I didn’t drop dead in the heat of the summer.  I am just a giant kid at heart when it comes to Halloween.  My husband and I will be Thing 1 and Thing 2 from The Cat in the Hat.  For some reason no one knows who they are.  So we will be spending Halloween night explaining it.  I have decided to carry a copy of the book with us to prove we have legitimate costume not just psycho adults out trying to lure small children.  Trust I have all the small children I need.  Have you thought of YOUR Halloween costume?  Please feel free to share.  After we take the kids trick or treating we are going to our FIRST Halloween party with costume required party.  I am so excited.  I will blog and update you on how it goes.  Then we plan to sleep in the day after because after year and a half dear readers I start a much needed vacation.  However I know me I will pile on the blogs just to fill in my time. So I wanted to warn you dear reader way in advance be afraid be very afraid……..