raramomtoo3

Well dearest readers….you should be happy that I am here to ramble on.  I was INSANE this afternoon.  Yours truly actually took her kids straight from school to Wal-mart.  I have NO idea as to what I was thinking but long and painful story short I am sitting in the corner of my room with my knees up to my chin, rocking back and forth, repeating The Lord’s Prayer.  Let’s recap here…My twelve year old ( yes the brilliant one I was just bragging on) bit my 10 year old.  My 6 year old decided that she wanted to show everyone that she has had “NO RAISING”.  Then as if my embarrassment was great enough with my kids showing their butts from half an aisle down I hear my darling husband use the “F” word.  I wanted to take my shopping cart and push it up his “A” word.  So after great embarrassment I decided I wasn’t brave enough to continue shopping with these heathen’s.  Yes I just said heathen’s it is a southern thing.  If they had done just one more thing I would have lost my ever-loving mind and snapped.  I would have taken them to the sporting goods and tied and gagged them a volley ball net.  Drag them to the country music section and found the most country CD I could find (they hate country music, like water to the wicked witch, they just sit there and scream in pain). I then would set the CD player to repeat and set to the highest volume and leave them there in pain.  So instead of having to go to jail and make bail I decided to just cut my losses and leave.  Of course we had to stop and get gas.  So we pull up behind a new SUV.  All of a sudden the crazy chick just starts backing up.  Of course we have a POS van and the horn doesn’t work.  My darling husband throws our car into reverse to keep her from hitting us.  So she finally gets parked at the pump.  The woman actually gets out of the SUV with a small dog.  Now why this pissed me off I have no clue but it went all over my nerves.  So while holding the dog in one hand she gets a paper towel and tries to pick up the pump handle.  The whole time she is juggling the dog.  At this point I wanted to shove the dog up her “A” word.  She realizes at some point the dog is freezing and puts her back in the car with her little bow on the dog’s head.  Well she decides to sit in the car with the doggie.  LONG after her pump clicked she gets back out of the car with the dog.  First my thought is it wasn’t really a dog it was her brain she carried around and second one is “WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU CARRING THE DOG TO PUMP GAS?”  So she gets another paper towel to grab the pump handle and pulls it out and tries to put it back in it’s stall.  She is fighting with it and it is falling out of her hands but of course she has the dog so it was sort like a circus act or something.  So she finally gets her act together and moves on.  At this point my “shopping rage” was in full bloom.  Had one more thing happened it would be like the scene from “A Christmas Story” when he snaps and beats the crap out of the bully.  On a side note Wal-mart has some very cool “A Christmas Story” decorations.    So here I am whining to you my dear readers.  I know you guys love me and would not say the “F” word in Wal-mart or bite someone? Right?  Oh well for those who know me knows that I don’t give up and I have already my revenge planned.  Tomorrow dear readers will be the “Drive Thru Flu Shot Clinic”.  Oh yes, you see where I am going with this don’t you……Shots for five please…..and with each shot I will just smile and have a sick twisted enjoyment from it…….

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