raramomtoo3

Dear readers oh how I wish I could type out this blog and share my strange “wit” or “sense of humor” but I can’t tonight.  I know our loved ones are reading this and this is kind of an update.  I knew going in to the funeral home the pain would come crashing back and it did.  I wish I could say I had “cowgirl UP” and was brave but I wasn’t.  When saw my aunt and uncle standing at the casket and they would shake hands and give hugs but you knew they didn’t see anyone’s face.  I saw myself and my mother and my dad and stepmom…..we were the ones who looked at people without recognizing faces because the truth is you don’t really give a damn who is there….at that point you go through so many emotions in such a short span…you are honored that they loved you and your loved one and are grateful but then you get angry with God and everybody because HE took your loved one, then denial…the hope that it is some sick horrible dream you are stuck in and you pray someone would pinch, shake or hell even slap the piss out of you whatever it would take to wake you up but it never comes.  Then you are angry that you lost a CHILD for the love of God….just a CHILD…..and too see another CHILD lay there with their young life OVER.  Just as Justin….he won’t see his wife walk down the aisle, or have a baby so their aunt could spoil them…….but in a twisted take on it…at least they won’t have to stand over THEIR loved ones.  They get to escape that pain and for that I am grateful.  I wish I had those magic words I could have said and all their pain would wash away but I am not that good a writer.  So I offered those same words that everyone else used because in the end that is all you can say.  “I am sorry for your lose and please call me anytime.”  That is all you can offer really.  So tomorrow once again I will attend the funeral and see myself in their spots and will cry so many tears.  No tears for Ricky because he is a better place but my tears will be for them and as bad as it sounds…for me and my family because again we are watching a child being called home before he should…..so my love to all and please hug those babies a little bit longer and a little bit harder…….

As I type this blog my soul is crying for help.  My father called and told me that my Uncle Ricky and family had been in a serious car accident in which their son Little Ricky has died and the others were airlifted to unknown at this time hospitals.  So if you are reading this please pray for them and their families.  I pray that we don’t lose another loved one today.  This brings up all the pain and shock of losing my brother….I believe Little Ricky is 15.  15………he too has died before he even got to live…..I know God has a plan but at these moments I want to scream WHYYYYYYYY?????I will update as I get new information….

Well hey there my dear readers.  I hope this blog finds you well.  I am still here dear readers but life is getting to hard to live much less share that sadness with others.  So I am going to try and be upbeat and funny but I really want to put my fist through a wall or some ones face.  This week was a crazy and a go go go type of week.  My oldest daughter had her drama club night last night.  The drama class has been working on this play for months and it was wonderful.  My heart was full of pride, awe and love to see my baby girl on stage in a spotlight.  She was wonderful even though her “costume” was sadly what she wears everyday anyway.  She played a “goth” girl doing an audition for Anne of Green Gables.  She looked wonderful on stage.  Then during the “big” play as I was taking pictures of the actors in a “park” and who do my eyes see….my daughter grabbing another girl’s purse and runny like hell….this was WONDERFUL and to be honest she looked too comfortable doing a purse snatch.  Also during the play they needed volunteers from the audience and my mother and son was brought “into” the play so they were also “stars” last night.  I love drama and I hope that all my kids will stick to drama.  Heck they can make more money being an actor or actress than being a doctor.  My son had his first scholiast (ok this isn’t the right word but this is as close as spell check could get it but it is where they check your spine) and he was stressed.  As you most likely know you must take off your shirt and bend over so they can see if you have any deformity in your spine.  I can’t blame him but I told him at least he is a fat girl who has to take her top in front on the other anorexic twits.  However I am glad to report that he survived his experience and it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.  My youngest child was disappointed this week.  They were due to go on a field trip to Sci-Quest in Huntsville on Friday.  However due to “severe” weather they cancelled it and guess what???? Yep didn’t even rain so they were ticked off but they are supposed to go back this Friday so here is hoping.  Well that is all I want to share right now but my love too you all and hope to share more insane events to come…..

Well dear readers and here we are again…me being the bad little blogger and leave you hanging on for more of my wit.  Ok I know that is bullcrap…..you are just nosyJ  Well not too much has taken place since we last talked.  My oldest child went to her first school dance and in a poodle skirt no less….those of you who know my daughter will be SHOCKED that she would were something other than jeans and black clothes but she looked really cute and she even got “Elvis” to send me a little message on a video.  I assume she had a good time.  Then the next weekend I had a “call” from another mother complaining that my daughter was cursing her daughter and she felt that wasn’t proper language for a thirteen year old….My first thought I wanted to say “The is BULLSh*t, and my f**king child doesn’t use that type of F**king language and I don’t know where in the H*LL you think you are calling”.  I of course didn’t say that but it cracks me up every time I play that in my sick sense of humor part of my brain.  You know the part where you find stuff funny when you know you shouldn’t.  Ok well maybe that is just me I guess.  My oldest is also going to be in a play next Friday night.  For those loved ones here is the invitation in case I forget to tell you.  This brings us to my middle child.  My son has developed a bad attitude to his dad.  My husband and son are fighting like roosters at a redneck cockfight.  I am tempted to kick them both outside and fight to the death and the winner comes back in.  I am however proud of my son because he was the third runner up in a story telling contest in 4-H program.  Tomorrow is kite day at his school so I will limp my butt up to the play ground and TRY not to get sand in my “fashion” boot.  Of course I am planning on being hit with many kites.  Why would I be so certain this will happen?  I know this because I get hit with kites when I can run.  So I can only assume that I will be fair game since I have no chance of escaping my fate.  If you don’t hear from me soon you can assume I have had a head injury from kite day.  This brings me to my wee one…..my youngest child is one of the funniest kids I know.  We went to see Madea goes to jail a couple of weeks ago.  The other day we were picking her up from school and she started in on a story that her friend did something wrong to her and she got even.  I said that wasn’t nice and she replies to me with “She got so I give”.  If you have watched Madea you will know why this was so funny.  Every day she has new stories to tell and she is always so funny.  I might complain and whine about my children but I am the luckiest mommy in the world.  God blessed me with three of the best kids in the world.  They are ALL funny, smart, beautiful, and caring.  So even when I am whining about them I would change them for the world.  As far as myself I am here.  My foot still hurts and go back to the doctor next week so I will update then.  I went to my last physical therapy till I go back to the doctor and see if I need to keep going.  Well that is about all I have for now.  My brothers 2^nd “angel” is a few days away.  I am getting sadder as the day approaches but I know I will survive this one the same way I did the others.

This blog is a special blog my dear readers.  This blog is in loving memory of my granddad.  Now I guess he isn’t my granddad by blood but from the first day I met him and his wife they never treated me any different than their real grandchildren.  I first met them Thanksgiving 1993 when my then boyfriend took me to their home for dinner.  From that day I became a grandchild.  I was very blessed to have married into such a kind and wonderful family.  Granddad passed away March 1^st 2009.  He was in his home where he wanted to be when he died.  Our grandmother went “home” March 17^th 2008 and we knew that granddad would be ready to go and be with her.  They were reunited and this warms my heart.  My favorite thing about them was not just the love they had for their family but for each other.  In a world where divorce runs rampant they stayed in love and even death could not separate them for long.  I take so much comfort in the fact that they are together again.  All the tears we shed are for ourselves and our loved ones but we can’t ask for him to come back.  The sights and sounds he must be experiencing I am sure words can’t describe so the last thing I will say is that love has nothing to do with blood and we have one more angel on our side….so spread those new wings granddad…..We will love and miss you always…….Here is a poem I wrote and I use with my relatives…

                                       Remember Me

Remember me when I am gone,

But please don’t keep holding on.

When you think of me laugh but don’t cry,

Because in your memories I will never die.

If one day you do sit down and cry for me,

Remember I am somewhere I want to be.

Walking with Jesus hand in hand,

Lost somewhere deep in the Promised Land.

Still I can never really die you see,

As long as you keep remembering me

OK OK I have received a note that you guys are going through withdrawal symptoms.  You guys are missing my witty ranting and boring stories of my life.  Well I guess people do get addicted to sleeping pills and my rants are as good as any sleeping pill….so here it goes.  I won’t promise I will keep up with it every day but I will try.  So a lot has come and gone since I last ranted.  My NASCAR is off and running but that is about as far as it has gotten.  I am currently watching the race so if a wreck happens I will come back when it is over OK?  I am not sure if I made comments about my baby turning 13.  My baby girl is now a teenager but if you ask all the other family members she was already a teenager in her little mind.  I am very proud of her though.  She is a tough cookie even though that pisses her daddy off.  They have the same personality so they often try to go TOE to TOE but they love each other. (I hope)  We had a real party for her this year.  Most often we just do family but since this was a big birthday we did a party with her friends.  Next time you hear me talk about doing this again PLEASE slap me upside the back of my mommy head.  Have you tried to corral a room full of teenagers…with a broken foot?  Yes this idea sounded good in my “mommy” head but in the “please kill me” head…..well you get my drift.  There were too many loud kids, too much pizza and not enough Valium.  However with the support of family I survived with only a few battle scars.  I do often finding myself jerking uncontrollably and curling up into a fetal position and rock back and forth…chanting…..”Do you want a piece of cake…Do you want a piece of cake…Do you want a piece of cake?”  I will move on for I feel a panic attack approaching.  I started physical therapy Friday for the broken foot.  It went ok I guess.  They make you do these exercises and torture and then after words they attach a shocking machine to your broken body part (I am lucky I didn’t break my pelvic bone).  They put an ice pack on top of the little pads turn up the shock and leave you to rest.  Now I know the thought of this sound like a bad deal but it really doesn’t hurt.  I have to go three times a week.  I also go back the foot doctor in the morning so I will see where we are going.  Also on Friday I got sucker punched into ANOTHER dog.  We needed another dog like we needed another hole in our heads.  I was playing with the idea of buying the kids a four dollar hamster and walked out with a fifty pound black lab.  As we approached Pet Depot’s front door my kids notice a dog in a car parked near the curb.  Of course I am trailing behind with my crutches as I walk up to them I hear a man say “Hey you need a dog?”  CRAP…..I turned away to limp as quick as I could limp in the other direction.  Then came the words I will never forget….”MOM CAN WE HAVE A DOG PLEAAASSEEEEEEEEE?”  I stopped mid limp and froze…hoping that the sidewalk would open up and suck me down to the pits of HELL fore I knew that I was about to have a face to face meeting with those little puppy dog eyes.  No not the damn dog but the eyes of two of my children who pleaded and bargained and promised me things that I knew they would NOT do but I was put on the spot.  I look up into the eyes of my husband hoping that he would “Bad” Cop this time so I could be the “Good” cop only to see the same freaking puppy dog eyes on his face.  Are you FREAKING kidding me?????  This look from the man who thinks we should ditch our family dog because she barks too much.  So here I am….please picture this in your mind….It is a rainy afternoon…I just walked my cripple butt across the parking lot in the RAIN.  I reach the sidewalk and walk right into a FREAKING WALL…..not wall in the sense of a real wall but I walked into a wall of “MOM IS NOT GOING TO WIN”.  So I have three kids (yes one of them is my husband) begging me and the man with the dog is PIMPING this freaking dog to my family and like a hard up “john” my family is taking it hook line and sinker.  The one hope I had was my oldest daughter who is like me in SOME ways got out of the car and I will be damned if SHE wanted the dog too.  What was I too do?  I was out weighed and crippled so I didn’t have the strength to fight them.  So we have a new dog in our home…at least you would think they would let me name him “Snoop Dogg” but NOOOOOOO.  However a miracle occurred today my dear readers.  In Alabama we actually got SNOW…..and I don’t mean a few flurries that happen on a freak day but real on the ground and falling from the sky snow.  Of course it lasted about four hours but we looked and watched as this beautiful event take place.  I have to give the weathermen a high five THIS TIME.  Up till this point every time they say “snow”……we get our hopes up and buy our Milk and Bread (I am not sure why really but here in the south snow drives us to stores and we buy every loaf of bread even the nasty wheat kind if you took more than a hour to get there….along with every gallon of milk even the SoyMilk or Fat Free Watered Milk…again if you don’t care enough to run STRAIGHT to the store and make your purchases like a good southern person then you DESERVE the watered milk and wheat bread) and then NOTHING.  Great big bags of NOTHING would happen and for some reason it is always MY fault according to my children.  As if I went on local newscast with a suit on and I said it was going to snow…..Nope I don’t own a suit and I have never been on a newscast predicting anything much less snow.  From now on if the weathermen have the gall to whisper the word snow then I will be send my children to stay at THEIR house and when NOTHING happens they can complain and moan to them instead of me….. Well I have plenty of things to moan and complain about myself but I will stop and let you move on to other boring things in your life.  I want to sit back and watch my kids NOT feed the dog or NOT walk him oh and my favorite NOT clean up the pee and poop….with any hope all four of them will get up to potty in the middle of the night and step right into a pick pile of…..clothes….what did you think I was going to say??????

PS I wanted to thank God and Justin for our snow….Justin pulled some strings to bring me a brief moment of happiness….I love you and miss you always…..

Dear readers as I started to spell check my rant we received a call that my husband’s granddad passed away.  I know that most of you know this and feel our pain as well as your own.  My husband’s granddad was a wonderful man.  Of course my husband’s family are wonderful but this man is the one who created such a warm and loving family.  Every family must have that person who starts this tradtion and he did it up right.  I loved him as my own grandfather because he never treated me any different than his own grandchildren and I was blessed to cal him Granddad.  Even though his death was a shock we knew he wanted to go “home” a long time ago.  Today he was reunited with the love of his life…she went “home” March 17^th 2008 and he was just sixteen days shy of a year but today they are together again.  He also has good company to keep while he is there.  He has my brother Justin, both of my grandfathers, our grandmothers and many more.  So to Granddad we love you and will miss you but you will be in our hearts forever….