Mar 31 2009
Another Child Called Home
Dear readers oh how I wish I could type out this blog and share my strange “wit” or “sense of humor” but I can’t tonight. I know our loved ones are reading this and this is kind of an update. I knew going in to the funeral home the pain would come crashing back and it did. I wish I could say I had “cowgirl UP” and was brave but I wasn’t. When saw my aunt and uncle standing at the casket and they would shake hands and give hugs but you knew they didn’t see anyone’s face. I saw myself and my mother and my dad and stepmom…..we were the ones who looked at people without recognizing faces because the truth is you don’t really give a damn who is there….at that point you go through so many emotions in such a short span…you are honored that they loved you and your loved one and are grateful but then you get angry with God and everybody because HE took your loved one, then denial…the hope that it is some sick horrible dream you are stuck in and you pray someone would pinch, shake or hell even slap the piss out of you whatever it would take to wake you up but it never comes. Then you are angry that you lost a CHILD for the love of God….just a CHILD…..and too see another CHILD lay there with their young life OVER. Just as Justin….he won’t see his wife walk down the aisle, or have a baby so their aunt could spoil them…….but in a twisted take on it…at least they won’t have to stand over THEIR loved ones. They get to escape that pain and for that I am grateful. I wish I had those magic words I could have said and all their pain would wash away but I am not that good a writer. So I offered those same words that everyone else used because in the end that is all you can say. “I am sorry for your lose and please call me anytime.” That is all you can offer really. So tomorrow once again I will attend the funeral and see myself in their spots and will cry so many tears. No tears for Ricky because he is a better place but my tears will be for them and as bad as it sounds…for me and my family because again we are watching a child being called home before he should…..so my love to all and please hug those babies a little bit longer and a little bit harder…….
